I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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