it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
