i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
lets start a swedish sibling band together
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
