come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
