ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
