well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
