If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
