No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
