I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
