I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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