it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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