I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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