i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
