FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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