Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
That's intense
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
