i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
