Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
