I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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