Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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