bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
