Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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