oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
