I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
