The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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