my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
