i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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