dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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