You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
