did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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