So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
