He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize