You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
