im drinking this country out of the recession.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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