So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
