turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
