I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
