Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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