The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
