I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize