They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
