Are you still at the party or did I leave?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
