yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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