every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize