did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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