its not stalking. its research.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
