hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
