just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
