If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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