"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You can't special order awesome
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
