like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
