Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
