$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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