I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
