your parents love me but you hate me
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
