Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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