We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
