Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
