people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
