am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
