I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
