my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
