btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
