im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
