I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Enjoy the penises
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
