Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
